In the News...

Sugar Ray Thrilled To Be Playing In Man's Head

SAN DIEGO— After nearly four years without a major live show, alternative rock band Sugar Ray announced Monday that they were "thrilled beyond words" to be playing inside San Diego resident Robert Waldie's head.

Sugar Ray headlined the forefront of Waldie's mind through much of Monday afternoon, playing the chorus of their 1997 hit "Fly" seven consecutive times before segueing into an all-hum rendition of their second-most popular single, "Every Morning." Sugar Ray then played the refrain from "Fly" an additional four times before closing their set.


Study Finds Working At Work Improves Productivity:

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a groundbreaking new study by the Department of Labor, working—the physical act of engaging in a productive job-related activity—may greatly increase the amount of work accomplished during the workday, especially when compared with the more common practices of wasting time and not working... Similar findings were reported in the areas of avoiding work, putting off work, complaining about work instead of actually working, pretending to work, and fucking around.


Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.

"The only thing that goes with Crocs is social ostracism. "

"I don't know what this style is called since every retailer comes up with their own "clever" name for it, so I'm just going to call them tit curtains because they look like curtains draped over your tits... I don't get it. If I had boobs, the last thing I'd want to do with them is cover them up with curtains, though I'd probably eventually cover them with curtains when I'd exhausted everything else (oil, soap, other boobs, my hands, the lid of a photocopy machine, the mouths of other lesbians, etc). Quit disrespecting your chest hams."