Top 5 Names You Would Not Give to Your Children

Tamara’s List

5. Gertrude (shudder)
4. Jorge - pronounced the Spanish way
3. Billy
2. Anything starting in La (LaTisha, LaShonda, etc.)
1. Eunice

Ellisa’s List

5. Junior. There is a student in my tutorial with this name. How evil are his parents? Forever relegating him to a status of inferiority. I bet that this kid will forever fall into paternalistic relationships.

4. Amanda. Ugh, Amanda McDonald; this bitch from elementary school. She would cry in class, steal my hook (oh yea, you all know. Hook spots are coveted) and one time told the teacher I was cheating on a spelling test, when in fact, I had not. Here's what happened: I had been practicing the spelling of the words beforehand on my hand. But when it came time to write the test, I didn't look at my hand. Well, Amanda and her big fat mouth told Ms. Feth that I had cheated, who in turn called my mother to break the news. When my mom confronted me, I was so upset to have been accused of this atrocity that I balled, not cried, balled. So much so, I remember my brother and the pets crowding around me with looks of concern on their faces. Fuck I hated Amanda.

3. Justin. Really, who does not know a Justin that they just don't like? The name even gets caught in your mouth; abrasive and blunt. I went to school with a plethora of Justins. Man, the 80s, full of Justins, Jennifers, Jonathans, Jessicas and Jasons. Seriously.

2. Erma and Elma. My two grandmothers. These poor women, what ugly names! How do you overcome that? Upon hearing it you can't help but cringe a little. First impressions all out the window. Rough. All I can say is, THANK GOD my mother is not a traditionalist, because my life would have been shitty. Who goes out of their way for an Erma or Elma? For pity, yes, but nothing else.

1. Michael Bolton.

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.


Brad’s List


5. Muffy ***Dana's Note: My name for the first two years of my life was Muffy-short for Muffin, and when I am reintroduced to old friends of my parents they often exclaim "So this is Muffy all grown up!!"
4. Dick
3. Bambi
2. Oprah
1. Adolph Hitler

Dana’s List

5. Alfred- My fathers middle name and the creepy looking guy in the game Guess Who
4. Christ
3. Moses
2. Jehovah – possibly the ugliest on top of the cult affiliation
1. Jesus

Ben’s List

5. Harmony (or some stupid hippie name like that).
4. Moe
3. Edna (terrible)
2. Damien (not since the omen)
1. Jesus (pronounced Hey-zeus apparently)

Ange's List

5. Bermuta Treeagle
4. Sigfreed

3. Gagmond (or whatever that guy Brad knows is named, i'm thinking lord of the rings but its not coming to me)

2. Dontario (Dan claims that he has actually heard this)
1. Perogee Weber (this is a long running joke between us)