The new royalty has arrived

It starts. We are sitting on the edge of a media torrent that will parallel this spring’s Anna Nicole Smith debacle and we don’t even realise it. With Brad Pitt’s split from the almost perfect Jennifer Aniston and hook up with Do Gooder (therefore boring) Angelina Jolie, the throne of king and Queen of Hollywood has been abdicated. Luckily, the British X-popstar and handsome footballer have Touched down in LA to fill the bronzed god/anorexic and talentless celebrity void (this story was featured in the sports section on CBC this morning).

So be prepared for the onslaught of paparazzi stalking and aggravatingly banal coverage of their day to day lives, in all shitty dailies, and heinous entertainment programs. Don’t do it Rick the Temp, you used to be cool- am dating myself by alluding to the fact that I was around when Rick was just a temp at Much Music, before he got too old and had to take his black painted fingernails to Extra Canadian addition? (Shudder) Sidebar- I don’t have cable but with the assistance of bunny ears can receive 4 channels, I don’t understand how one of those terrible shows is always on, who is watching this crap? I can think of 1 million things I would rather do, including: testing all the shampoo in my shower to see which ones are actually tear free.

Anyways, back to Victoria Beckham or should I call her Posh Spice.... Duhh Dun Dhunnnn.... that's right my friends, most of us knew her as the “fashionable” aka least talented Spice Girl... Does anyone else find irony in the fact that she was supposed to be “posh” in a pop group that was manufactured; where, I am fairly certain, she didn’t get to make her own fashion choices? What really surprises me however, is that she has really stuck with it- if I was a not so integral part of a cultural phenomenon that had run its course, I would put as much distance between myself and that persona as possible; however, Posh took it the opposite direction and kicked it up about 8 notches. There is nothing that makes me more agitated than our society worshiping a celebrity that has absolutely no valid claim to fame (Paris Hilton). At least David Beckham has a skill -what is Victoria’s: sitting still for hair and makeup?

Am I the only one surprised at their move to LA? I would like to know the strategy behind this manoeuvre. I always thought that Britain had an elitist culture industry, isn’t Hollywood a step down?

Possible reasons for moving: Money? I can’t see it being that I’m sure they already swim in a pool of gold coins like Uncle Scrooge. Soccer? Why would you move from Europe where fans form gangs they are so obsessive to a country where nobody cares about your sport? So, by process of elimination the only other answer is: Prestige- if you can call having the minute details of your life snooped at by a population that believes CSI to be credible and UFC to be a sport. David and Victoria want to be the world’s hottest couple and they just can’t get there while trapped on that little island. Ouch England: do you realise how big a slight that is? I guess the sun does set on the English Empire after all.

So, I wonder how long until I barf a little in my own mouth as a result of the excessive media coverage- a few weeks, a month? I guess it isn’t all bad, I am sure we will all welcome the break from Lindsay Lohan’s party girl debauchery and Paris Hilton’s fatuous behaviour and vapid demeanour.