TWC: Favourite Will Ferrell Quote

Jenn:
MEATLOAF, FUCK


Cam:
"oh my god! that would be the greatest. sex with no women. that would be like the best of both worlds. and i like women, don't get me wrong. i just find them sexually... repulsive."

- the story of the world's first two gay men.


Benji:
This was hard to narrow it to one...

Here's the deal I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and i piss excellence."

-As Ricky Bobby in Talledega nights


Ellisa:
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
I haven't actually watched the entirety of this movie, just parts. My dad and I may have peed our pants when watching this snipped with my brothers.

Ricky Bobby:
Dear Lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you,jesuz, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome stricking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.

Fun Fact: Will Ferrell was one of the writers of this film.


Warren:
Funerals are insane, the chicks are so horny... it's like fishing with dynamite ...


Danes:
"I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite"


po:
it's so good... once it hits your lips... it's so good
re: funnel beer in old school... mostly it's the look on his face.


Bradley:
It's so damn hot... Milk was a bad choice.

What is Stephen Harper Reading?

This is an excert from one of the letters that Yan Martel wrote to Stephen Harper on his site:
What is Stephen Harper Reading

"So, self-knowledge—must I write?—is useful not only in writing but in living. And solitude bears fruit not only for the one who aspires to write poetry but for anyone who aspires to anything. Whereas, to take a counter-example, I thinks it’s rare that advice to do with commerce has much use beyond commerce. Our deepest way of examining life, of getting to our existential core, is through the artistic. At its best, such an examination has nearly a religious feel."

~Yann Martel

TWC: Post Secret

I've cheated on my boyfriend before.

I love Sausage McMuffins and Britney Spears.

i was once forced to dance with scarves... it just wasn't right for me at the time.

I keep a reserve stock of Q-tips in my top nightstand drawer.

I actually enjoy watching Sex in the City. As much as I say it's just because my girlfriend made me watch it... I can honestly say that I got into it. I mean I will never get over the fact that Carrie cheated on Aiden. Come on Carrie, you guys were meant for each other! And you left him for Big! What were you thinking. Anyways, it's complicated.

I have a extremely large space between my big and second toe, so muchso that my own mother is repulsed by looking at my feet. That is why you may see me in flip flops, but hardly ever in bare feet.

I really like the song "Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguileria

when i was on the road once, i happened to pass through this town called cranbrook, close to kimberly, where i used to live. i wandered into a pub and sat down and drank many pints of beer and smoked many cigs. started checking out this girl playing pool. as i looked closer at her i realized it was an ex-girlfriend of mine. went over and said hello and hugged her. we talked for a bit then went off to another bar. then another. at the end of the night she invited me to stay at her place. i figured this was better than sleeping in the car again, so i agreed. along the way i told her i was sorry that our relationship hadn't worked out, because at the time she had acted really heart-broken. she said, "that's ok. i was actually sleeping around on you all over the place." when we got to her apartment she tried really hard to get it on with me, but i wasn't really into it anymore. she gave up on me and went to sleep on the couch leaving me alone in her bed.
later that night i woke up standing in a dark place, pissing. i knew it wasn't the washroom. looked around for a light and finally found one. i was in a big walk-in closet in her hallway pissing all over her clothes. i mean all over. like, probably a couple litres worth. i choked. felt terrible for about five seconds. then i was over it. shook, put it away, went back to bed. woke up the next day and she had gone to work. she left a note and told me to make myself comfortable and she'd make us a nice dinner when she got home. i showered, got dressed and split. hopped in the car and drove to nelson. never saw her again. don't think i've ever told anyone about that.

Gibberish and Dre Correlation

Graph displaying relationship between gibberish and forgetting about Dre

TWC: Things that: chap your ass, grind your gears, or bust your balls.

Piqué:

You're at the grocery store/clothing store/book store/record store/coffee shop. You've been waiting in line for a few minutes... now you're second from the front. The person in front of you is at the cashier--it's their turn to pay. And when the cashier tells them how much it's going to be, they realize, "Oh yeah, maybe I should start thinking about working on getting my money out to pay for this!". They then proceed to fish through their purse for the correct debit card to use. Oh wait, they also have air miles--hold on, the card is somewhere in there... Oh actually, foget debit, they think they have enough cash to pay. Now they've forgotten... umm... how much is it again? ... Oh goody--If they can just find a dime and a penny they think they might have exact change!! How convenient (for everyone)!

Quebec. Why you gotta be so different? And whay you gotta constantly remind me of it? You gotta have your own place on my beer bottles? You can't just go along with the rest of the country? You gotta set your own deposit price and announce it on my beer bottle label in big writing? Why don't you go fcuk yourself Quebec?

People that dress their dogs up should be shot.

Wax paper muffin wrappers. I'm pretty sure their proper name is "Baking Cups". First of all, they prevent the muffin from cooking evenly. Everybody knows the top is by far the best part and the bottom is third rate (note: yes I know there are only 2 parts to a muffin). Do people not know that these wrappers are unnecessary?! Don't bakers at least know that? Muffins can be baked without the fucking wrapper people. They're not going to burn or stick to the pan. Plus the wrappers make it work to eat a fucking muffin.Shouldn't eating baked goods should be efforless and totally pleasurable? The worst is when you try to remove the baking cup and half the fcuking muffin sticks to the paper.

I hate people that wear Santa Hats at Christmas time and think they're being cute. You're not cute! I don't care if you love Christmas. I don't care if you fancy yourself a jolly, generous, festive person. You're not Santa. So get that fucking red thing off your head you fcuking muppet. I hope you have children so I can kick them in the fucking face or something... and then you can feel the pain I feel when I look at you.

Kevin:

1. I hate ignorant people who think they are better than you because of a title or job position.
2. I hate the fact that shit in the world is not getting done NOW. We know the world is suffering from climate change and global warming..blah blah blah...but everyone just looks at the problem and says, "well yea, we need action." fuckin' A buddy.
3. I hate sprinting the length of a soccer field in the attempts to get a pass on the fly to either score a goal or lay off the ball to someone who can score but then reach the end of the field, calling and yelling for the ball and not get it!! pretty much I hate that!! When high effort = NO Payout!!
4. The amount of plastic bottles that get used EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY!! and I dont even mean globally, or nationally, but let’s keep it simple...think of BC and how many plastic bottles get used in a day.
5. I don’t have statistics but I’m sure it’s a lot...too many. It really gets my goat. Cooking yourself dinner, or ordering a meal at a restaurant.....only to find out it's cold. I can't STAND that. Cold hot meals.


Benji:

1. Waking up before 10am
2. The entire SFU business faculty (students, teachers, faculty, everyone)
3. Varsity athletes in SFU sweatsuits
4. slobish eating (I know I eat slobish, I mean real slobby- straightup piggish)
5. People who ask the question "Whats your favorite band?"


Big E:

It was really hard to narrow it down. Who knew I had so much detest in my life?

5. Chicken. This aversion stems from two sources: 1. consuming enough chicken breasts in my first two years of University to circle the earth and 2. seeing chickens being trucked to their death and the chicken processing plant on Hastings and Commercial (not to mention to caustic smell). I am willing to say that I could go the rest of my life, never missing chicken.

4. Bouncers. I had to stereotype, but let's be real. Almost all bouncers and meat-head jocks who can't add 2 + 2 and get 4. All they have going for them is their mass and extra testosterone. They exert power over us poor bar-goers stuck in line like they were the reincarnation of God herself. What really grinds my gears though is that as a patron you have absolutely no other option than to bow to their "muscle-flexing" (if you want to get in that is.) While freezing in line outside a half empty - and most likely barely half decent - club, I find myself silently wishing that those arrogant blockhead's soon suffer an unfortunate gym accident.

3. Bad manners. This is most definitely a Laura-ism. Whether it is at the dining room table, on the bus, or walking down the sidewalk, I expect good manners. I am no stuffy English High-Priestess (or modern day Miss Manners) but everyone should engage in a respectable level of etiquette! Call me crazy, but bad manners immediately turns me off. I can hardly stand being in the vicinity of the person committing acts of blatant incivility and, if possible, make sure to limit as much future contact as possible. Annoyance quickly turns to disrespect which is mighty close to dislike.

2. The SFU Business Faculty and the incompetent morons they employ. (Don't even get me started on Business Students...I could write a book). Every semester I am hopeful that my classes will prove useful and the faculty will be adequately skilled to teach and every semester I am supremely disappointed. You would think I would stop subjecting myself to routine let-downs and frustrations, but by the time you figure out what they are doing (stealing your money and providing worthless classes that pain you to attend) you are in too deep. They leave you with no chance of switching faculties and graduating in under five years.

1. Mowing the lawn. I abso-fucking-lutely detest this chore. It immediately puts me in a bad mood that will last for hours. This deep hatred stems from many childhood sunny afternoons spent pushing a lawn mower for hours. I am providing no more details because just thinking about it is causing me to unconsciously raise my pulse and clench my jaw.


Danes:

5. Anything to do with strategic planning, flow charts, process plans, mind maps, and conception diagrams.

4. When people crack the spine of a new book, fold the pages, or, general misuse or disrespect of books.

3.Emails that are one solid chunk of text riddled with shortcut spelling that is not for effect but rather laziness and terrible punctuation!!!!!!......???!!!??.... To be quite honest I often won’t read your email if it fits the above description.

2. Frodo Baggins. I fucking hate Frodo. Also, Elijah Wood- it is a bit of a chicken/egg dilemma.

1.How, when you are picking up a prescription, they make you wait for fifteen minutes while they talk to each other behind the counter instead of printing off a label, grabbing the box off the shelf and handing it to you. This bothers me so much so that I cannot be rational about the situation and accept it; instead I must stand, like an asshole, at the pickup counter staring at the pharmacist the entire time, subliminally sending them “I know you are wasting my time on purpose” hate vibes with my eyes which causes them to take even longer to prepare my prescription.


Bradley:

5. Aisle Seats
4. Mowing the Lawn
3. Tamara Taggert
2. People who say "libary", "chickmunk", or "katchup"
1. City Birds (Pigeons, Crows, and Seagulls)


Jillian:

must i really stop at 5? in no particular order, because really, how can you evaluate hate...

5. alberta, ontario, sometimes quebec. my anger towards these three provinces is divided approximately 65-25-10. in a perfect world, canada would consist of b.c., saskatchewan, manitoba, and the maritimes. the territories could opt in if they wanted to. actually in a really perfect world, b.c. would be a country all on its own. i've often wanted to start a bc separatist party. anyways, i hate alberta mostly. if i had superpowers, i would pick up the rockies and pierce alberta's heart with their most pointy peak. then, i'd remove it from calgary's heart, attach it to jerome iginla's stick and pierce his heart. then, edmonton could just wither away. sidebar - i hate pragmatists who must crush my dreams of separation... and everything else.

4. 30 something mothers who live in condos and invade granville island market with their 3 ill-behaved children and s.u.v strollers, who then proceed to order 3 warm, but not too hot hot chocolates for said children and a large non-fat extra hot 2 pump vanilla latte from jj bean. FIRST OF ALL, get your kids out of the fucking strollers, they're too big. better yet, just leave them at home. nobody wants to deal with them. secondly, when you get an extra hot coffee beverage, YOU ARE DRINKING BURNT MILK! that is disgusting. and so are you. and if you have to get vanilla in it to take away the taste of good espresso, just go back to tim hortons where you belong. also, you don't need a large. you're fat.

3. oprah and every single last thing associated with her. especially that c**t nate berkus.

2. umbrellas. it's just water. you're not going to die. umbrellas make people walk like assholes... even more so than they usually do.

1. andy warhol and those obsessed with him. yes, i know. and no, i don't care.
this will continue...

In the News...

Sugar Ray Thrilled To Be Playing In Man's Head

SAN DIEGO— After nearly four years without a major live show, alternative rock band Sugar Ray announced Monday that they were "thrilled beyond words" to be playing inside San Diego resident Robert Waldie's head.

Sugar Ray headlined the forefront of Waldie's mind through much of Monday afternoon, playing the chorus of their 1997 hit "Fly" seven consecutive times before segueing into an all-hum rendition of their second-most popular single, "Every Morning." Sugar Ray then played the refrain from "Fly" an additional four times before closing their set.


Study Finds Working At Work Improves Productivity:

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a groundbreaking new study by the Department of Labor, working—the physical act of engaging in a productive job-related activity—may greatly increase the amount of work accomplished during the workday, especially when compared with the more common practices of wasting time and not working... Similar findings were reported in the areas of avoiding work, putting off work, complaining about work instead of actually working, pretending to work, and fucking around.


Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.

"The only thing that goes with Crocs is social ostracism. "

"I don't know what this style is called since every retailer comes up with their own "clever" name for it, so I'm just going to call them tit curtains because they look like curtains draped over your tits... I don't get it. If I had boobs, the last thing I'd want to do with them is cover them up with curtains, though I'd probably eventually cover them with curtains when I'd exhausted everything else (oil, soap, other boobs, my hands, the lid of a photocopy machine, the mouths of other lesbians, etc). Quit disrespecting your chest hams."

30 reasons why I am awesome

So, perhaps it is self absorbed to write a post titled: "30 reasons why I am awesome". I figure this is an improvement from: "Why I am F'ing Sweet" which is what I was going to title it. Mostly, I just wanted to brag about all the incredible concerts I have seen since April. Thank you to those that joined me, so many amazing times!

1. Modest Mouse- Two sets of drums, great live sound

2. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – boundless passion for performing

3. Peter, Bjorn and John – Before the concert I had only ever heard “Young Folks” and was blown away by the Swedish awesomeness, ps. the video is pretty cute

4. The Arcade Fire - WOW - I complain that I will never get to experience Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd, but the Arcade Fire, I believe, will be a cultural artifact from our generation.

5. Architecture in Helsinki – So fun, great energy
Opener: YACHT – Strange but cool I guess, music on laptop accompanied by dance

6. The White Stripes – Intense. Life altering. Dana=altered

7. Cary Brothers – I fell a bit in love
Opener: Mother Mother – pleasantly surprised- check out "Verbatim"

8. John Fogerty – lifelong dream come to fruition

Bumbershoot – Best consecutive 3 days of my life

9. The Shins – Winsome, lovely!

10. Kings of Leon – very rock, dude wore a vest

11. Gym Class Heroes – terrible

12. Wu-Tang – F’ing sweet... dollar dollar bill y’all

13. Andrew Bird – INCREADIBLE, I love whistling in songs. Would marry him tomorrow: Dana Bird

14. Joss Stone – aggravating, too much chatter on stage, I don’t want to hear about your life Joss.

15. John Legend – not my style but props to him for a good show.

16. Tokyo Police Club –can’t get into cheering for a bunch of screaming teens.

17. Devotchka – awesome experience, man drinking directly from a bottle of wine and woman dancing in huge tuba like instrument covered with red twinkly lights. Plus, Devotchka is just amazing...Little Miss Sunshine...

18. Barrington Levy – SO FUN – true performer... More and More and More and...

19. Rodrigo y Gabriela - beautiful

20. The Aggrolites - What a party, best live energy ever, how can you go wrong with a bunch of guys wearing jail suits and singing reggae!?!

21. Fleet Foxes – the next Neil Young

Bloodhag – Kidding, I wish I saw Bloodhag

22. Spoon – FUCK!!! SPOON!!! Maybe one of my best musical moments ever
Opener: Black Joe Lewis – the perfect lead in to Spoon...I love blues and SPOON

23. Shiny Toy Guns – the chick was sweet -she should do all the singing or get a new band.

24. Peter Bjorn and John – not as intense as the first time

25. Fujiya and Miyagi – although they aren’t Japanese they are brilliant.
Opener: Project Jenny Project Jan – very cool openers, great stuff, bought the cd

26. Shout Out Louds – Great instruments...they create great music

27. Final Fantasy – Sweet, I loved the projector show, plus I love the violin.
Opener: Great Lake swimmers – meh, kinda whiny

28. Joanna Newsom – delicate and enchanting

29. Caribou – great show, battling drums and a front man who is maybe the most talented guy I have ever seen...also they feature the recorder in one song.

30. MIA – still to come