TWC: Guide to the Class of '92

Gerry:
1. Jessie Spanno: I believe I saw her last Wednesday turning tricks on Hastings and Main.

2. Zack Morris: Works for the NYPD.

3. Lisa Turtle: After a brief stint in the fashion industry, Lisa took turn for the worse and spiraled into a coke addicted depression. Lisa was last seen in a police shootoff when a liquor store robbery went sour. May she rest in peace.

4. A.C. Slater: Married Kelly Kapowski and is now living at the Shady Pines Trailer Park. Currently unimployed.

5. Kelly Kapowski: Gaining "a few" pounds after highschool, Kelly developed an unfortunate addiction to Slim Fast diet shakes. Although her insulin levels remain dangerously low her lust for life continues to soar.



Kevin:
1. Cindy C. This name just popped into my head when I looked at her face. Shes the kind of girl that does not present her last name to anyone. She is just simple Cindy! Middle class New York city background Cindy tries desperately to be thought of as upper class by painstakingly paying attention to her looks. If asked where from, she will give a short reply of "Malibu" accompanied with a cute giggle and hair flick to draw attention. Cindy has no time for cheerleaders or other girls. She is way too cool. Cindy wants to be a nurse, so she can help others! Go get it Cindy!

2. Jon Bon Jovi. Need I say more……….

3. Maria Provokativa. Oh Maria…..que pasa? You speak good English now. And your hair looks so very nice. How is your family doing? Are they settling into their new home in southern California? Oh…they live with your 2 uncle's as well? You must be glad to be out of there finally and here in school! Maria has a tendency to be quite aggravating from time to time. But it is well countered with a perfect smile, which does not always come out in those stupid year book photos we have to take. Maria loves to skip down the hallways in between classes and she really does not like blondes.

4. "LaRock the Jock", "Maverick", "Mr. Suave" were just some of the names are old friend Bob Baker went by through high school. Quarterback of the high school football team, captain of the men's cheerleading squad, two time elected "most sexy" of the swim team are just some of the experiences which pepper his resume. How did he ever find time for all those sports and accompanying girls? Ah yes, I understand now…….."Ill take fries with that Bob…no no…the curly ones…Thanks man!!!"

5. Sarah Timmins. Or should I say Dr. Sarah Timmins. Thas right you guessed it! There had to be one success story child in this bunch. Sarah did it. She fought off the consistent badgering and teasing for being the smart one and now pulls in a six digit pay cheque. Sarah was always a timid girl but love sending time out doors. Like all girls, she ogled at Bob and had an eye on Jon bon through out high school but was really too shy to speak up. Weekends were spent at home, usually studying or helping mother with house hold chores. But little did everyone know that she also had a fancy for her Dad's old 1969 Mach 1 ford Mustang!! It now sits in her garage and is under repairs a la Sarah.



Cam:
the girl on the far left is liza lipschitz. a trust-fund girl from jersey, her interests included shopping at bloomingdales, listening to her rick astley records and finding new ways to use the word "like" in a sentence. unfortunately she developed lung cancer at a young age due to hairspray inhalation and died.

next in line is billy anderson. head of the football team. set the school record for touchdowns, keg-stands and date rapes. very popular with the ladies... right up until his grad year when his penchant for sniffing athletic-supporters was made public, after which he faded into miserable obscurity. his favourite words and terms include "gnarly", "bogus" and "fuckin' A".

next we have juanita hernadez, an exchange student from argentina. as a child, she was kicked in the head by an alpaca and suffered minor brain injuries that unfortunately permanently damaged her sense of symmetry. head of the knitting club, further interests include chastity, the virgin mother and self-righteousness.

the boy with the heart around his head is dallas kneller. dallas had a rough childhood. his neglectful parents left him to watch hours and hours of terrible after-school television, including his favourite program, "the fresh prince of bel-air". a mixture of inhalation of solvents, masterbation and general over-exposure to sit-com drivel lead to a strange "Will Smith" fetish. eventually he could only get it up for men with protruding ears and goatees.

the girl at the far right is janis o'malley. this is her yearbook. poor janis was hopelessly in love with dallas.



PK's Guide to the Class of '92:
Pat is a hot bitch. I mean that in a good way. Can't you see her looking at me with that cheeky smile and those fuck-me-eyes?

You can't really tell from this photo, but Kevin is actually cross-eyed. His "favorit class" is Phys. Ed.; his "werst" is math. He has a rockin' smile and he knows girls think he's hot.

Fashionable Vivian is shy but confident. Everyone loves her plaid turtleneck and "fun" pigtails. She comes off as consciencious because she doesn't like to party, but soon everyone will find out that she focked nine guys in her grade 11 year.

Girls love Brendin. They think he's "so cute" and "such a nice guy"--and they LOVE his puppy dog eyes. Despite this, he struggles with girls throughout high-school. They don't take him seriously. He tries steroids, hoping he'll bulk up and that the girls will start to respect him. The roids make him ill-tempered and give him bad acne and his struggles continue...

Jennifer is a major go-getter, miss popularity, and is a gossip. She is smart and polite and all the teachers love her but people close to her describe her as "moody" and, soon after high school, will be diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder.



Dana:
Tammy: The one that everyone’s parents hated. Had a mother who was never around so anytime you needed to avoid curfew her house was the place. She “developed” early and had knowledge of sex and the male anatomy more so than the “Health Class” teacher, and often delighted at enlightening the other girls when the opportunity arose.

Favorite song: Like a virgin - Madonna
Last Words: “If you can’t be Good, Be Good at it”

Kimmy: Vice-President of the Cheer Squad! Dating a socially well placed linebacker on the football team. Enjoys cooking and sewing and has aspirations of having a family someday. Never uses language like fuck or cunt.

Favorite song: When A Man Loves A Woman, Michael Bolton
Last Words: All you need is Love!

Garrett: His stylish mullet made him a favourite among the ladies of Roxette High. He was a natural athlete and was the star of all the sports teams. He was also a natural asshole and was very skilful at hiding the fact that despite his 12 years of school “he can’t read good”. He is known by his buddies as “the stallion”.

Favourite song: the Stroke, Billy Squire
Last Words: “Just a man and his will to survive"

Don- A member of both the wrestling team and the track team and a decent student Don surprised everyone when he was arrested for stalking Catlin as well as assaulting Joey Jeremiah from the series Degrassi Jr High.

Favourite Song: Miss You Much – Janet Jackson
Last Words: “Joey doesn’t deserve you Caitlin”

Kristy- Was really into animation however was never taken seriously by any of her peers or teachers. Had a bit of a temper problem and was a regular at anger management classes. Was suspended in her senior year for flying into a rage and pushing a Costco size bottle of pink hand soap out of a third story window; thus creating a veritable cement slip and slide on the pavement below.

Favourite Song: Deeelite – Groove is in the heart.
Last Words: “When you grow up, your heart dies”